When a
parent receives the official, in-black-and-white, no-turning-back, diagnosis of
ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) a journey of self-discovery begins. You climb onto that emotional see-saw and thousands
of different thoughts race through one’s mind.
It is then
that you realise that you are actually in the process of wading through the
five stages of grief.
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Denial
He doesn’t
seem that autistic? Doctors make mistakes all the time. Why do they feel the need to label
everything? He’ll probably outgrow it.
Anger
As time
passes, reality is sinking in. Why
him? It’s not fair!
Bargaining
We will do whatever
needs to be done if he can just be ‘healed’.
We will sacrifice whatever we need to if he could just start to talk.
Depression
As
time progresses further, depression starts to set in, and guilt. A whole lot of guilt. What did I do wrong? Was it the time I fell in the shower during
the 1st trimester? Or the time he rolled off of the bed when I
turned my back for 2 seconds? Will we
ever hear him speak? Hear those 3
wonderful words, “I love you”? Will we
ever see him play with a friend? Or hold their hand? Will he be able to be independent, able to
take care of himself? What if we die
before he grows up? The lack of not knowing
what will happen in the future can be daunting and overpowering. Some parents stay in this stage for many
years. And some bypass it completely.
Acceptance
And
finally, you get to a point where you have to make a choice.
You can
either choose to continue to wallow in that dark abyss, or you can take a leap
of faith and say, ‘screw it’! You accept
your child is different.
Different –
not less.
And that’s
ok. There will be days that you will miss
the sense of ‘normalcy’, but also days where you have a wonderful opportunity
to enjoy a completely different outlook on life, through the eyes of your child. An opportunity to be courageous and join a
completely different world.
And that is
the choice we have made.
We accept
Gabriel for the unique, wonderful and different – not less – angel that he
is.
The world
should too.
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